Motherhood springs upon us some timeless wisdom, not least of which is that days can feel unbearably long while the years seem to pass in a flash. As any parent will confirm, children have a knack for growing and evolving at warp speed. Yet, when scrutinizing this adage, most of us tend to gloss over the fact that these long days, punctuated by child rearing demands, chores, and various responsibilities, can be gruelingly exhausting.
As a mother of three youngsters under nine, I can vouch for how those long days can stretch on seemingly endlessly, and at times, feel almost too much to bear. It's only when my final little one is safely tucked in for the night, that my few precious hours carved out just for me, actually begin.
A recent social media clip perfectly painted this portrait, with Lindsey Gurk, the content creator on TikTok, singing a relatable rendition of Alanis Morissette's 'Hand in My Pocket'. Gurk's lines were an echo of my own reality - 'I'm tired, but I stay up late almost every night. But I need some alone time, baby!'
This act of voluntarily staying up late, to snatch a few treasured moments of leisure, despite an impending, groggy morning, has a name - revenge bedtime procrastination. I found this out from the thread of comments stemming from Gurk's viral video, realizing that this is a routine that has sneakily snuck into my nights.
Like Routinely, I find myself procrastinating sleep well into the night, ensuring that I get a small slot of 'me-time'. It seems immaterial when my little ones fall asleep – the younger one especially taking her sweet time, I intentionally delay my own sleep, and linger on into the late hours, enjoying a fistful of quiet moments.
Despite the exhaustion, the rationale propelling my unnecessary late nights is that I have invested the entire day into my children and, in balance, I have earned a few solitary moments. However, as dawn breaks, and I reluctantly rise, battered by a sleep deficit, regret looms large.
Experts throw light on the physical toll this act of bedtime procrastination can wreak on our health, and present alternatives to incorporate much-needed recreation in our daily routine without slashing our sleep.
A pertinent question arising here is - what exactly is 'revenge bedtime procrastination'? In essence, it is a tactic wherein individuals intentionally forgo their sleep to gain time for leisure activities, making it more prevalent among individuals who are over-scheduled and possess limited wiggle room in their routines.
Much like the scenario faced by most parents of young children. Whether working from a professional space or from home, their days remain abuzz with constant stimulation. As Ariel Kornblum, Psy.D., BCBA, LBA, senior director of clinical operations at Manhattan Psychology Group succinctly describes, 'There never seems to be enough hours in the day, and the first thing that gets sacrificed is self-care.'
However, seeking out moments for self-care, parents do try to stretch their day as much as possible. 'The time after your child or children go to bed is sometimes the only time parents have control over what they do and how they do it,' adds Dr. Kornblum. This constant delay in sleep thus remains a recycled pattern, with aims to retire early, followed by procrastination and then regret, ad nauseam.
A key point to note here though, is that continuous sacrifice of sleep to recuperate 'stolen' leisure time can escalate into a harmful procrastination cycle, which further heightens the risks of both anxiety and depression.
Avoiding sleep as a rebellion tool comes at a significant health impact. My weekly schedule acts as a testament to this, since despite battling exhaustion, I laboriously push through my sleep barrier just to find a few solitary minutes to unwind.
Unfortunately, this is followed by me struggling to maintain alertness, being trapped in the embrace of sleep while enjoying my time, and ending with neglect of my skincare commitments and an unusually sour mood the next day.
The repercussions of persistent postponement of sleep extend beyond mere physical and mental fatigue. 'Regularly delaying sleep can take a toll on a mom's health, well-being, and productivity.', explains Kelly Murray, a certified adult and pediatric sleep consultant.
Most adults require a minimum of seven to nine hours of sleep per night. Any disruptions in achieving this sleep quota can result in decreased energy levels, increased fatigue, concentration issues, and a reduction in focus and vigilance. Extended sleep deprivation can also impact your overall patience levels.
On the other hand, the constant postponement of bedtime fuels a vicious cycle of procrastination, elevated irritation, low motivation, higher anxiety, and a viciously recurring desire for more revenge bedtime procrastination.