On a frigid New York winter night at a bustling local bar, guests were greeted with a unique gift - miniature glass bottles brimming with shimmering silver glitter. Matt Tolbert, along with husband Joshua Gonzales, dubbed the unique keepsake as 'baby dust', a physical token representing their well-wishes and rising hopes for the surrogacy journey they had undertaken to become parents. "These tiny bottles signify our journey, and when our family and friends look at them, they'll be reminded of us, our future children, and our surrogates. We hope it prompts them to send a little prayer our way," explained Matt.
Matt's idea for a baby dusting party was to commemorate the momentous occasion of the embryo transfer day for one of their two surrogates. The desire for parenthood had been a deep-seated dream in the hearts of Matt and Joshua since they could remember. "Our dreams of having children were always there, although we were uncertain about the 'how'," Matt recalled. The path leading to their dream was like a winding jigsaw puzzle, one they weren’t sure they'd piece together.
The considerable cost of surrogacy in the United States posed as a significant hurdle for the couple, but they soon found solace upon discovering inspiring accounts from couples who had successfully navigated surrogacy journeys abroad. Zealously armed with their dreams and these newfound stories, Matt and Joshua embarked on their own journey, electing the help of two surrogates in Mexico to help them fulfill their parenthood dream.
The baby dusting party served as a unique means for Matt and Joshua to congregate their family and friends to collectively engage in their journey. They intended the party to feel as intimate and authentic as possible, forging a bond of shared hopes and dreams. "We didn't want this exceptional day to be just another ordinary day, where we'd sit at home, engrossed in a television show, feeling detached from our significant surrogacy journey," Matt confessed.
They curated the evening with multiple elements that symbolically represented their journey, such as serving four different types of french fries, since the grease is believed to assist the embryos during in vitro fertilization. Sliders were also served as a playful nod to the concept of ‘a bun in the oven’. Matt chuckled while explaining this, joking about polishing his dad jokes as an early start to fatherhood.
A baby dusting party, as envisioned by Matt, was a way of rallying their supportive army of loved ones and spreading positivity ahead of the nerve-wracking embryo transfer procedure. The entire concept was centered around the unpredictability of the surrogacy journey, and Matt recognized that love, prayer, and positivity would be essentials in this journey. "We want to remember this grand day, know that our loved ones are with us, celebrating our journey which we embark together," expressed Matt.
The term 'baby dust' was derived from the popular phrase used to wish luck to those attempting to conceive. When Matt first heard this term, he immediately thought of adopting it to christen a tradition to celebrate their journey. "The term 'baby dusting' just felt apt and adorably fitting," He says. "I'm not aware of any other couple referring to this as ‘baby dusting’. Quite possibly, we are starting a trend here."
A baby dusting party is versatile, it can be tailored to be as individual and unique as the couple's own journey. It can be a celebration of any critical phase in the journey, be it an upcoming surrogacy, and IVF implantation, IUI procedure, or any other method of conception. There's no need for lavish decorations or grand gestures, merely being surrounded by loved ones during this important phase of life is what makes this occasion special.
Such a party can be organised at home or at any loved place in the city. Matt and Joshua desired a casual and warm atmosphere to celebrate their day, so they chose to host their friends at a local bar instead of renting out a more formal space. The guest list, too, can be as wide or as intimate as the couple wishes. It can be restricted to a close-knit group of allies or spread out to include extended family and friends residing in different cities.
The couple's family resided in Texas, while their surrogates were in Mexico. Since the couple only knew about the embryo transfer day a few days in advance, they hosted a party with their local friends and families. One could choose a similar route or invite long-distance guests if their presence is deemed important. Alternatively, baby dust could be sent by mail to those unable to attend, soliciting letters filled with well-wishes and prayers in return, thus, including them in the journey.
A baby dusting party can be any size and any level of formality, conforming to the wishes and comfort of the couple. For their party, guests were given bracelets as reminders to channel good vibes for the couple's surrogacy journey. Guests were also asked to pen messages to the to-be-born babies, which were then collected and preserved by the couple. "We believe it's vital that our children, when they grow older, understand where they came from and the strong supportive community they have, who is ready to love and support them," voiced Matt.
However, there's no hard and fast rule that a baby dusting party should be organized only once or for every implantation procedure. Matt emphasized that since each journey is as unique as the couple undergoing it, celebrations can vary in size and scale. Success at surrogacy can sometimes demand multiple implantations, and the couple might want to host small yet significant gatherings each time. Any variation of plans is always possible.
Matt admitted experiencing some initial resistance from Joshua regarding the frequency of the celebration. Joshua was concerned that repeated celebrations might end up being heartbreaking if the consecutive embryo implantations proved unsuccessful. Matt assuaged his concerns, reassuring him that their celebrations could adapt as per their needs. Every step of the journey didn't need to replicate the earlier ones.
The ultimate goal of a baby dusting party, according to Matt, is to involve loved ones in the journey to parenthood. The journey can prove to be an emotionally taxing roller coaster, and having a supportive community can elevate spirits and reduce the feeling of alienation. "We want our loved ones to know that surrogacy, despite the inherent challenges, is something to expect and celebrate. There's no need to feel isolated; you have us and a community that loves you and is truly there for you", Matt added.
The journey to become parents is a mix of joy and uncertainty, a roller coaster of hope and anxiety. However, when faced with support and love showered by family and friends, the course appears less daunting. Every step - every sling and arrow of the process can be faced with resolve and positivity. In the end, when the journey reaches its desired conclusion, it’s the shared joy and triumph of not just the couple but every single person who wished them well and walked some way with them through their journey.